RANDOM UPDATES

• two weekends ago we celebrated my yakudoshi birthday singing karaoke at toma. the play list included...what's up (4 non-blondes), ice ice baby (vanilla ice), right stuff (new kids on the block) -- complete with the dance moves, and regulate (warren g) -- sung by marc!! I don't think he'll be too thrilled when he reads this and sees his photo of the performance below:

• this past weekend we flew to maui to visit marc's family (mom, dad, brother, sister in law, niece, and nephews) and friends, and go to the maui county fair.  it was a really good fair!  I was very impressed.  em jay rode the ferris wheel (she calls it ferry wheel) and big slide for the very first time and loved it.

• we also ate at paia fish market for the first time.  I had a chicken quesadilla and marc had the fish and chips...

•  we hung out with friends...

•  and had a fabulous time...

•  see em's perfect little teeth in the above photo. take a good look because it's the last time you'll see them that way...

• today was quite possibly one of the worst in awhile.  it started off with some frustrations at work which I won't get into because I really don't want to say negative things or details about such a great organization. but basically I cried / had a meltdown. and what kept me from leaving-- was the fact that if I don't work, marc and I will not afford our mortgage. we'd lose our house. and we really would not like to ask my parents (or his) to help us...so there. a good reason to stick it out.  and of course on top of that, I teach accountability in the workplace. it's my responsibility to see what can be done before making any rash decisions like that.  and at a deeper level, I really do believe in our agency and what we do.  and frustrations happen at all workplaces no matter where you go...

• then this evening, em is running around and playing with family friends and falls flat on her face... on the tile.  she starts crying. I ran to pick her up and she said "my teeth!" I looked at her teeth and saw it.  a HUGE chip on her front tooth. and a small chip on the other.  I, who am usually a very calm person. freaked! partly because I have a thing about teeth.  I have nightmares about loose, or falling out teeth. partly because I had a particularly bad day, and partly because I couldn't stand to see her crying, and was sad that my perfect little girl, with a perfect little smile...has a HUGE chipped tooth!  after a little while she was completely fine.  except that she kept touching the tooth with her finger, or her tongue or lip because of the jagged edges.  after we saw she was okay, I stepped away to cry.  for em's accident, and for my rather trying day.  I just cried.  then pulled myself together because although work was stressful, and em's tooth is chipped-- in the scheme of things...it's not that bad-- it could have been worse and for that I am thankful.

• we're taking her in tomorrow to have it checked out for damage to the root, and  see what they can do about it.  I made the mistake of looking on the internet (don't do that) and freaking myself out even more after reading that they do x-rays to rule out permanent damage to the root and future permanent teeth.  hopefully everything is just fine and he can file down some of the jaggedy part. 

• there's a million possible bad things that can happen to a child.  I always have to rationalize them out of my head. or I drive myself crazy, and I know I have to let her live (and myself) without irrational fears and just be a child. will it be that way for life now that I'm a mommy??  will I always WORRY???  I suppose so.  I've really learned just how much being a mom also entails letting go... the very thing we instinctively don't want to do as mothers.  we want to hold, and protect, and keep them to ourselves forever.  but really we need to teach, and trust, and let them grow wings...and be their own person. teach them how to be in the world without us someday. I'm learning. I'm learning. I'm learning. I'm also learning that there is a reason why we tell kids not to run around on the tile--I take responsibility for not stopping her.  now to go enforce it is another story...