My mind has been everywhere else but on blogging. It's been a whirlwind of a Holiday Season & New Year for us to say the least. It started with my surprising and happy pregnancy in November. Then kind of went on a downward trend with one of my cousins committing suicide just after Thanksgiving, my husband's Grandpa becoming ill, my miscarriage in January, my Grandma failing health, and my husband's grandpa's passing.
I finally feel like I'm getting bearings. I've learned a lot about loss, and forgiveness in these past few months.
I found myself feeling so much anger toward my grandma and family for my childhood experiences. I was verbally abused by my grandmother when she lived with us (when I was 5 until 17 years old). She would call me "fat, lazy, good for nothing" among other things...
I realize now that people do the best with what they know. And my Grandmother herself has her own personal demons-- whatever they may be we will never know.
She will probably never have such a loving, and heartfelt funeral like my husband's grandfather. She has never been that person to anyone. But that's okay.
I can spend a lifetime feeling sorry for myself... but that will only bring me a life of sorrow. Or I can realize that life is what I create it to be and open up a lifetime of open doors, and opportunities.
In light of the Japan Disaster with so much loss and devastation, I am instead recognizing how much I should cherish and appreciate all that I do have.
I love our home, family means everything... and Emily Jay is such a joy. In January I passed the LCSW exam that I keep talking about, and I am working on becoming a better human being.
2011 will bring a new me. And hopefully new and fresh things to this blog.
6 comments:
Goodness me you've had tough time. I'm so glad to hear you're on the up though. Suicide and miscarriages are both very hard things to deal with. I've unfortunately experienced both those things in my life. It takes time to deal with your feelings, I know. Just keep looking forward! :)
I'm so sorry to hear about all of the loss you have experienced in the last few months. Thank you for sharing your light and insight with us.
Also, congrats on passing the LCSW! Woo-hoo!
J,
My heart goes out to you! You've managed to survive quite a few life curve balls in the past few months...but still managed to come through on the other side a wiser & more compassionate person. Hats off to you, lady!
I love your blog and am hoping that the rest of 2011 is filled with good things for you & your family.
P.S. Em Jay is ADORABLE! I see so much Mark in her.
So many big life events in such a short time. I am happy that you are healing and choosing light. Congrats on passing LCSW :) (here from BfS)
Welcome back! I just started to follow your blog when you suddenly left and now I understand why you took a break from blogging. You have been through a lot in the past couple of months.
My brother committed suicide three years ago and it was the toughest thing I have ever had to go through. But blogging about my loss helped.
Loss is very difficult regardless if it's because of a suicide, death by illness or a miscarriage.
Here's wishing for good things to happen to you in 2011.
thank you guys for your kind, and supportive comments! looking forward to more blogging!
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